Character Profile – Crusader Lock

Age: 35
Marital Status: Bro!
Race: German
Occupation: Sausage King Of Gulf City

 

Crusader Lock never knew his mother, though he was blessed with his 3.5 fathers (that we know of). At a young age he knew that he was meant for only 2 things. Spitting hot fire as the world’s most radical MC, and making sausage. His fathers recognized his talent and eventually passed down their family sausage recipes.

On day while walking next to the Berlin Wall, he was pondering fresh beats and sausage, and a ball flew over the wall and hit him on the head. After deciding that this ball was definitely NOT sausage, or beats, he threw it back. And once again the ball returned, and with it, a voice…

Crusader Lock returned to the wall every day to chat up his new friend about sausage and fire-ass bars until the day when the wall came down. Crusader Lock rushed to the wall to meet the friend he had never seen, but instead, standing there when the wall came down, was another Crusader, one who’s dope moves proved without doubt he was Lock’s lost brother.

The brother joined the German Traveling Circus and it was there that Lock was struck with his genius idea. He was forced to watch the spectators eat cheap, non funky fresh sausages every night in the crowd while they watched the show, and realized that if he used Crusader Pop’N’s dope moves to draw the crowds, they would buy his sausage, and understand how superior it truly was.  The Crusaders waited until the circus’ next stop, a town called “Gulf City”, packed their belongings and ran away from the Circus.

Crusader Lock is a man with a plan. And this plan involves his delicious sausage. With his bro’s sweet dance moves, the crowds will come running, and they will be hungry from all that running…And he will be there with his sausage in hand.

Crusader Lock spent many nights in the circus from the trapeze watching people buying inferior sausage, and now, it is his time to put his sausage in their mouths. After their escape, Crusader lock emptied his savings into a Funky-Fresh sausage cart and a business licence. “Crusader Links” was born. Now it is just a matter of time until they are international rap celebrities and the Sausage Kings of Gulf City.

Video: Sausage Sonata

The Crusaders make their first series appearance in Season 0’s “Sausage Sonata”. They can also be found on Saturday Night Streams, and have a part in “The 12 Days Of Pesci”

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